u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Yo dont text me then not text me
Barsexuality is the new black.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
