who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
