I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
