You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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