I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
