he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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