And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
