I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
