Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
