Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
