There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
