Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
