they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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