I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
