he thought i was a dude.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
