Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize