what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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