I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
