he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
