Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
