my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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