I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
