i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
