Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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