You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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