All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
