I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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