What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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