a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
