if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
