I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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