I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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