Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize