Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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