i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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