I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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