Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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