you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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