Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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