Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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