I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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