NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
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Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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