you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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