I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
