Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
