youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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