so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
