she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
it hurts more in the daytime
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
