You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
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i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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