I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
