you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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