Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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