He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
