wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
