His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
