Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
