$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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