Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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