is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
