She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
