yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
