i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
