If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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