In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
