I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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